I am...

I am the fifth child born to a mom and the fourth child born to a dad who came together to have their first child in me.
I am the little girl who loved to read no matter what it was and remember reading Danny and the Dinosaur sitting on my grandma's lap.
I am the little girl who played for hours on rocks outside our house pretending to be Ayla the cavewoman. (I told you I'd read anything!)
I am the little girl who sat on the playground with another little girl and pledged to be friends forever and we still are.
I am the young lady who loved Drama and was the lead in my ninth grade play.
I am the young lady who wanted so badly to have a boyfriend but never found the right one.
I am the young woman who thought she had found the right one in high school.
I am the young woman who gave college a try but just couldn't do it.
I am the woman who tried a lot of different jobs before finding my perfect niche in childcare.
I am the woman who cried over the body of an elderly man who had died in a tornado in the town where I was on the Volunteer Fire Department.
I am the woman who set off cross country with my mom and little sister to find a new start in Oregon.
I am the woman who resigned herself to being single.
I am the woman who fell madly in love with a man who is seven years younger than me.
I am the woman who was lucky enough to find a man who always wanted to be a dad.
I am the woman who is the mother of three beautiful boys.
I am the mother who tries so hard to be a good mom and falls short all the time.
I am the mother who gets up and tries again.
I am the wife, the mother, the sister, the daughter, the friend of so many people who make my life complete and I am who I am because of them.
I am God's favorite child and He has showered me with blessing after blessing.

Who are you?

Thank you Larissa!

I went to my sister in law's blog this morning and received an unexpected gift. She had a link on her blog to Faith Lifts and from there I found Moms of Grace which I joined and have already gone on a posting spree this morning. Plus, they have bible studies which I've already tried to start but with the kids running around, it's not been a good time to meditate on it. And I ordered a book called "Queen of the Castle: 52 Weeks of Encouragement for the Uninspired, Domestically Challenged or Just Plain Tired Homemaker" which I can't wait to get and have even more time for me!

I'm so glad that she had that link on her site. I feel like these sites will open up a whole new world for me online that I've been wanting to pursue but haven't been able to find. I can't wait to soak it all in!

Free Will

The doctrine that the conduct of human beings expresses personal choice and is not simply determined by physical or divine forces.

I've been wondering lately about free will. I came to a conclusion today that changed the way I had thought about an issue for many years. It was about abortion and I was always against abortion but always figured that women should have the right to choose. I mean, if God gave us Free Will, shouldn't we allow others to have it? But then that is a slippery slope because that could trickle down to murderers being able to murder because they are exercising their free will. So I was talking to my mom and she said that murder should never be a choice. Good point. So, when I came on here to wonder about free will, I remembered something my mother in law had told me that someone had told her. We, as Christians should be the light that shows the way. A guiding light, a gentle light. One that doesn't blind but one that is bright enough to see. So, people can have their free will but if I'm asked, I will definitely shine my light in the direction that God points me.

"In the same way, let your light shine in front of others. Then they will see the good things you do. And they will praise your Father who is in heaven. "
Matthew 5:16

Two in One Day!

Yesterday in honor of President's Day, Morgan asked me why somebody shot and killed President Abraham Lincoln.

Good question and how do you answer that one? I just told him that someone felt that they had the right to take his life because they didn't like what he had to say. And then it hit me. Even murder is plain old selfishness. Someone thinks they have the right to decide that they get to take someone else's life. I always felt murder is akin to evil (which it is) but I've never realized that it is also akin to selfishness. When we put ourselves first, we can justify anything. I don't know my bible well enough but I wonder if Satan is ever called the God of Self because isn't that just what he is? Doesn't everything he stands for revolve around self? And now, I feel like society is getting to believe in that. Moreso now than ever. There was at least a cover of common decency or shame back in the day but now that's gone. It's all good if it's all about you and you better not say anything otherwise. It's that searing of the conscience, I think.

I just hope that more and more people realize that this is the direction society is going and this is what our kids are going to have to deal with. I hope my kids are part of the generation that starts to turn it around. I do know that society does that. Rises and falls. I hope we are getting to a rise.

I thought this was interesting...

I found this on another blog online and liked it so much, I thought I'd snag it!

From C.S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain:
"...What would really satisfy us would be a God who said of anything we happened to like doing, 'What does it matter so long as they are contented?' We want, in fact, not so much a Father in Heaven as a grandfather in heaven--a senile benevolence who, as they say, 'liked to see young people enjoying themselves,' and whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the end of each day, 'a good time was had by all.' Not many people, I admit, would formulate a theology in precisely those terms: but a conception not very different lurks at the back of many minds. I do not claim to be an exception: I should very much like to live in a universe which was governed on such lines. But since it is abundantly clear that I don't, and since I have reason to believe, nevertheless, that God is Love, I conclude that my conception of love needs correction. ...There is a kindness in Love: but Love and kindness are not coterminous, and when kindness is separated from the other elements of Love, it involves a certain fundamental indifference to its object, and even something like contempt of it. Kindness consents very readily to the removal of its object--we have all met people whose kindness to animals is constantly leading them to kill animals lest they should suffer. Kindness, merely as such, cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering....It is for people whom we care nothing about that we demand happiness on any terms: with our friends, our lovers, our children, we are exacting and would rather see them suffer much than happy in contemptible and estranging modes. If God is Love, He is, by definition, something more than mere kindness. And it appears, from all the records, that though He has often rebuked us and condemned us, He has never regarded us with contempt...."

It's so interesting to me that people are always asking why God allows pain. Since we are to believe what is written in the bible and since Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." then how does that jibe with God causing pain? Why would He cause us pain and then turn it around and work it so that it benefit us? I just don't understand that. It's like putting someone under a falling piano and then pushing them out of the way at the last minute and saying, "whew! I just saved your life!"

I believe that we live in a world of sin which leads us to have pain and suffering. If we had not sinned in the first place then just imagine the world that we would be living in right now. No pain, no suffering only paradise. That is the world God created for us, man created the pain.

No Matter What

Chad and I have been married for almost eight years. It was eight years ago today that he took me to Wendy's in Bend, OR, parked in the back out of the way and gave me my Valentine's gift. It was three hat boxes and in the top one was a ton of candy - miniature Snickers bars. The second one was Chicken Soup for the Couples Soul and in the bottom was a red heart shaped pillow that had "Will you marry me?" embroidered on it with the ring tied to it. I knew it was coming but it was still such a clever, romantic way to ask. I knew I was gonna marry Chad within a month of us going out. I remember sitting in church and I looked down and I saw our legs beside each other and I knew I was gonna see those legs next to each other from then on.

We've really worked at this marriage. The first years were stormy but I'm one of the lucky ones and I'm married to a man that takes into account what I say and makes himself and consequently myself better. We are each other's top priority. He holds my hand at night when we watch tv. He tells me he loves me every time we talk. He listens when I talk (even when he doesn't act like it!) and he respects me and he appreciates me and he loves me more than I ever imagined I would be loved.

When I was single, my Grandpa told me to pray to God to send me the man that God wanted me to marry. When I realized that Chad was that man, it amazed me how God took the littlest want I had and brought it all together in Chad. I am so blessed. Another thing that my grandparents taught me was "No Matter What". Chad and I decided that we would love each other no matter what. And that is even engraved on Chad's wedding band. It's worked for the last eight years with such amazing results that I can't wait to see what the next eight years have in store!!

Judged by your peers...

"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, bt that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of mens hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God."
1 Corinthians 4:3-5

Judge - form an opinion of

Condemn - to pronounce to be guilty; sentence to punishment

Just some thoughts I had.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

I was discussing some stuff online with a group of people and the subject turned to God and the bible and one of them said something along the lines that the bible was written to help humanity in a time that was very different than this one and that as humanity evolved then so too should the moral codes.

Now think about that, it's great for those arguments where we want to justify doing whatever you want and calling it evolution but what about the other stuff? What about the promises? What about salvation? You can't have one without the other.

Just a thought...

As I was doing the dishes (isn't it funny how your mind wanders as you wash dishes?) I was thinking how so many people say that Christians want to "force our beliefs" onto them and I always think in my head, "I don't want you to have my beliefs - they are MINE!" I never once think that when I'm talking to someone of a different belief that they are forcing their opinions onto me so what is the difference? I read something that someone had written yesterday and she said that while she didn't agree with certain things that people believed that she would never be sad or judge them for what they believed because it would negate their beliefs. Wouldn't it be so refreshing if everyone felt that way?

My Birth Verse

http://www.mybirthverse.com/

Titus 1:2 NIV
"...a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time,"

I love it.

Stereotypes...

I'm really angry right now about stereotypes. If I hear one more time that they aren't talking me, they are talking about "Christians" I may just explode. I am a Christian and I am a true Christian, the hypocritical, loudmouth, ugly people who use the Christian label to promote their own brand of judgement as opposed to what God wants for us are not. I looked up stereotype and this is the definition: a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group. Seems so innocent doesn't it? I wanted it to say something along the lines of "horrible misrepresentation of an innocent group of people." because in our day and age that's what it's boiled down to. I don't think I've ever seen a stereotype that hasn't pulled out all the ugly characteristics of a group and used that to describe them.

I guess it boils down to whether or not you are willing to look at each person as an individual or just put them in their little box as soon as you see the color of their skin or realize that they believe in God. I am who I am because of what I have chosen to believe and what I have studied and what I have looked for and questioned. You are who you are for the same exact reasons but for some reason since I believe in God, I don't get the same courtesy that you do, I get ridiculed. It's amazing to me how many people who go on and on about how open minded and accepting of everyone and everything are totally closed minded to anything they don't agree with. I know a lot of Christians are like that but you know what? I'm not, so don't judge me by people you've met, judge me on my own merit, by my own words and I'll do the same to you. Just because I don't agree with what you believe does not mean that I don't respect your views.

Morgan Musings...

This isn't a post about a thought I had that turned into an epiphany, it's about my oldest son Morgan. Morgan is five and wonderful. We had a conversation today that is a pretty good example of conversations we have about once every couple of weeks and I thought to myself that I had to write this one down to remember how he once thought.

Morgan: Mom, what if I was a race car driver and I broke my arm? Would I be able to work or eat?
Mom: Yeah, you could use your other arm.
Morgan: Well, what if I broke both arms?
Mom: Then I guess someone would have to feed you.
Morgan: Once they started to heal, could I go back to work?
Mom: Yeah.
Morgan: What if I got into another wreck and broke my arms again?
Mom: Then you should probably look for another job.

A couple minutes later...

Morgan: When I turn 16, maybe Matthew and I will go hunting.
Mom: Maybe.
Morgan: What if we saw a bear and I had to tell Matthew to shoot it and he shot it, would that be good?
Mom: Yep, but only if it's attacking you.
Morgan: If it was attacking us we would call 911, I mean the fire department and they would come and spray water on it.
Mom: (Duh...finally getting in on the fun stuff of asking questions back!!) What if the bear was on fire?
Morgan: Then the firefighters would put him out and he would probably be dead.
Mom: What if we set him on fire? (I know, I'm not sure what I was thinking!!)
Morgan: Can we do that?
Mom: I don't know, the next time we see a policeman we need to ask him whether or not it's illegal to set bears on fire...I think it is.

I just love the fact that he can talk for hours about anything. Of course, there are those times when all I want to do is hear the last two minutes of a really good movie and he wants to know something totally off the wall but for the most part, I love hearing what he has to say!

Five things...

I knew I should have just gone to Allrecipes.com to look up a recipe for bruschetta, but no, I had to stop by my MIL's blog to see what's going on and I was tagged. So, my five things are...

1. I was a volunteer firefighter for a small North GA town when I was in my early 20s. It was great fun and I actually got to put out fires and do a search and rescue after some tornados on Palm Sunday.

2. I have flat feet. I don't know where that came from but it's true!

3. I have four older sisters, three older brothers and one younger sister but I'm the only child born from my parents. (The wonders of previous marriages and one adoption!)

4. I'm seven years older than my husband and only 11 years younger than my MIL, she is only a year older than my oldest sister.

5. I have a tattoo of Dumbo the elephant on my left ankle. My husband and I went down on our third or fourth date and got tattoos. They weren't matching - we wanted our relationship to last!! :P

Okay, that's all! I'm not sure who all reads this so I'm not gonna tag anyone....yet!

Friendship...

How does that saying go about friends being like silver and gold? Oh, I found it...

Make new friends but keep the old

One is silver and the other gold.

I have a couple of friendships that have been refined and mellowed to a beautiful gold. My oldest friend is from third grade. We were eight when we met and the last time I saw her, we were looking at our three year old boys saying that in five short years they would be our age when we had met. How does that work? That just last year we were in my mom's LeBaron driving home illegally because we were only 15 and my parents trusted me enough to let me go. That only last week a couple of years had gone by and we hadn't spoken and I was scared that our friendship had reached the end or that only yesterday we were sitting in her living room watching our kids play? What made us hold on? What kept us from just not taking the time to write or call? I can't put my finger on it but I know that something amazing has kept us through the great times, the hard times and all the times in between. Like I said, this friendship has been refined to a beautiful gold.

Then there is my second oldest friend. I've known her since seventh grade when friend number one was at another jr high. We had probably three years where we were all about each other. We wrote notes all day during school and then called and talked for two - three hours at night. We've seen each other maybe twice in the last 15 years yet when we are together, it's like no time has gone by and we are right back in the rhythm of our friendship.

These two women have been such a blessing to my life. What is interesting is that religion has been a factor in both of these friendships. I wonder if that's had anything to do with their staying power? One of the best memories of my wedding is before I walked down to meet my dad, my bridesmaids and I had prayer and these two women were there. I just remember being so joyful and a big part of that joy was having these women there that day. I'm trying to tie this post in with a deep thought but I just can't! So, I'm rambling with tears in my eyes because I am so lucky to have people in my life who love me for who I am and I just wanted to take today to tell about two of them.

I guess I'll go eat worms....

I've been dealing with neighbors the last couple of months and it finally all came to a head last week and the end result is that my boys can't play out front anymore. It's your ordinary, run of the mill disagreement between how our children should behave and how it should be enforced and I'll leave it at that.

So, this has really thrown me for a loop because I am a people pleaser from way back. I've never been one to force people to listen to my side of things and I literally have to stop myself from going against what I want to make others happy. But, I've had a lot of truths come out of this situation too.

1. My boys don't have to play with every child they know and when it comes right down to it, it's my job to make sure they play with kids that have a lot of the same standards that we do.

2. I can't force my kids to be the bad guys to make other people happy. I have to be their advocate and stand up for them even if it makes me unpopular.

3. I will make my kids take full responsibility for their actions, even if they have every right to choose those actions.

I still haven't worked it all out because I am hurt and I do want to blame it all on them but I'm trying really hard to look at it as objectively as I can so I don't miss an opportunity to teach my boys a lesson or learn a lesson about myself because I've never been in this situation where I'm responsible for my kids' action on other kids. But at the same time, I have a strong feeling that I am in the right and I want them to know it! Ugh...I'm rambling but I want my boys to be able to play with the other kids and I want to be able to chit chat over the fence with my neighbors but that can't always happen. The phrase "set apart" keeps popping into my head and I know that I am set apart from them. I don't accept the same things they do and I don't parent the same way they do. And that's okay. Just because I don't agree with them doesn't mean that I'm better than they are or that I'm even right. I just have to know that I'm doing everything I can to keep the situation as "clean" as I can and not let myself fall into the trap of being nasty because I'm mad. It's just hard to be on the outside sometimes.

Happy New Year!

I know I'm way late. I just have had so much on my mind and it's all been negative. It's hard when you feel like you can't say anything positive because there is so much yuck (what's the opposite noun word for hope?) in your brain. I do know that I haven't been spending near the time I need to with my God, which is probably why I've felt so bad. But, I can't live like that. I have to feel happiness and hope in my life. So, once again I handed over my problems to God and this time, I really wish I'd stop taking them back! He handles them so much better than I do.

The other day, I noticed something that made me stop and think. Matthew wanted a bottle of water. He hardly ever drinks out of a bottle, he is usually just fine with a cup. I didn't want to give him the bottle because I knew he would take maybe two drinks out of it and then the rest would be spilled or whatever. So, he cried and cried and whined and pouted until I finally gave in and gave him that stupid bottle and sure enough he drank one drink and that was it. How many times do we make a big deal over something so minor that our whole world is turned upside down until we get it and then realize that it wasn't what we needed anyway. Matthew didn't want water, he probably needed a nap or a hug or something but that bottle of water received the focus of all his needs and so it became more important than it actually was.

It spoke to me because I need the Lord. I get along great when my goal during the day is to be with Him and to be like Him. But there are times when slowly but surely, I turn my head to look at something else and start concentrating on it when before I know it, I'm yelling and whining for a bottle of water when what I really need is just a drink from His word or a moment or two in prayer.

"Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
John 4:13-14

What Christmas means to me...

I have noticed two signs here lately on businesses in my town that really bother me in their arrogance. They are both along the lines of Keep Christ in Christmas because that is what Christmas is all about. Now, I'm sure it's because I've gotten older and have learned that many, many people do not think the way I do but that just seems so narrow minded to me to say that Christmas is only for Christians. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the sentiment is bad necessarily, it just rubs me the wrong way when anyone says that this is the way it is and there is no other way.

I think I have also come to the conclusion that Christmas really isn't about Jesus either. I try to acknowledge the fact that Jesus was born and that he died for me at least once a week if not more. To me, Christmas is about the magic that surrounds this time of year. The anticipation of the gift giving. The kids just knowing without a doubt that Santa will be here on Christmas Eve with their gifts and being with family.

Being a parent, it's hard to figure out what to really teach our children about this holiday. My kids know that Jesus was born on Christmas but I have to say that I've always been very uncomfortable with singing Happy Birthday Jesus and having cake and ice cream like some people I've heard about. They talk more about Santa and what he's gonna bring them and I don't think that's bad. I know for me, when I was little, it was all about Santa. I knew that it was Jesus's birthday but Santa was the main event and I've come to realize this Christmas that what I want more than anything to share with my kids is not the getting of the gifts, it's the excitement, the anticipation and the giving. Which really goes back to what kinds of Christians I want them to be - excited about God, the anticipation of being with Him forever and wanting to give that joy to everyone they know. So....I guess there is way more Jesus in Christmas than I thought!

I know this was confusing but I'm still a work in process and most of the time, this blog reflects whatever I'm trying to sort out in my mind!

Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope that the New Year brings everyone much joy and peace!

Giving Thanks...

Since I won't be here next week, I'm gonna steal the email I got today from Max Lucado and use that as my Thanksgiving post.

Two Fathers, Two Feasts
by Max Lucado
The following is an excerpt from In the Eye of the Storm.Download Chapter 12 of In the Eye of the Storm to read even more.

I drove the family to Grandma’s last night for Thanksgiving. Three hours into the six-hour trip, I realized that I was in a theology lab.
A day with a car full of kids will teach you a lot about God. Transporting a family from one city to another is closely akin to God transporting us from our home to his.
A journey is a journey, whether the destination be the Thanksgiving table or the heavenly one. The fact that my pilgrims were all under the age of seven only enriched my learning experience.
As minutes rolled into hours and our car rolled through the hills, I began to realize that what I was saying to my kids had a familiar ring. I had heard it before—from God. All of a sudden, the car became a classroom. I realized that I was doing for a few hours what God has done for centuries: encouraging travelers who’d rather rest than ride.
I shared the idea with Denalyn. We began to discover similarities between the two journeys. Here are a few we noted.
In order to reach the destination, we have to say no to some requests.
Children have no concept of minutes or miles.
Children can’t envision the reward.
It’s worth it.
As we sat around the table today, no one spoke of the long trip to get here. Yesterday’s challenges were lost in today’s joy.
That’s what Paul meant. God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.

Remember this: God may not do what you want, but he will do what is right … and best. He’s the Father of forward motion. Trust him. He will get you home. And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast.

Surrender...

I got a bunch of CDs from a friend of mine a couple of months ago and they are all Christian. I have a five player CD player in my car so every single slot is loaded with these CDs and I and the boys listen to them when we drive. Morgan and Matthew have their favorites and it switches from week to week but there is nothing better than hearing Morgan sing, "from the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky, Lord I life your name on high!" It makes me teary eyed just thinking about it! (And to all my Church of Christ relatives...yes, it has music!! But I figure we aren't in worship so it's okay!!)

Anyway...

I was bouncing around yesterday from track to track and I came upon this one by Stuart Townend called Jesus, Lover of My Soul. I can't find the words to it online because I guess it's another version of the original but the opening goes like this,

It's all about you Jesus

And all this is for you

For your glory and your faith

It's not about me

As if you should do things my way

You alone are God

And I surrender to your ways.

The first couple of times I heard that, I could feel myself start to well up and I wasn't even really listening, I just kept hearing this chorus over and over. This really just explains it all doesn't it? I mean, the hardest part of becoming a Christian or even staying a Christian is realizing that it's all about Jesus and who are we to make it about us? These words just keep reverberating in my heart every single time I read them or hear them. Just giving every single thing I am to God because he is God. But for those of who may not understand the fullness of this, once we give our whole self to God, guess what we become?

Take your pick...

Child of the King

Heir to the Kingdom

Bride of Christ

Saved for eternity

Not a bad exchange is it?

My thought for the day...

I was writing a post about marriage on a board that I belong to and this was the verse I used,
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Ephesians 4:29

The post was about arguing with your husband and the challenge was to remember this verse the next time you found yourself in an argument. And I got to thinking about all the people that I interact with and I realized that I've always done this (usually) and didn't even realize it. Part of me always kind of thought that I was playing people when I did this. But I've always tried to build people up according to their needs. When you think about it, different people in your life are treated differently by you. There are some who can take everything you say because they understand you and understand where you are coming from and how you mean what you've said. There are some where you have to temper what you say because they may find some sort of implication somewhere even if there was none intended. You get the idea. I've gotten really involved in Internet groups over the past three years and I've learned that there are certain people who join groups just to hear encouragement, they don't want to hear solutions to their problems, they just want a willing ear and a pat, "You're okay, you'll get over this." and that's all. Some people have to try to fix them and that's fine but just think about what the verse says, according to their needs. Not ours but theirs. Why is that? I mean, wouldn't their life be better off if I gave them solutions and they followed my advice? I do it because I care, it's really good advice, sometimes!! Or should we really try to get to know the person so we can give them that same advice but do it according to their needs so that it actually will be listened to and followed.

Just another quick observation because Matthew really wants on Nickjr!!

I've noticed that people deal with other people either on their level or the other's person's level. Do you listen to people and understand what they mean because of who that person is or do you listen and assume stuff because of what your mind is telling you?

Just something to think about!